To Be Or Not To To Be...A Bridesmaid

Dear Deon,
One of my bridesmaids called me today to complain.  She is upset that I asked my bridesmaids to pay for their own shoes ($40) that will be dyed to match the dresses that my parents paid for.  She told me that purchasing her own plane ticket to be here and paying for her shoes is a burden.  I want my friend to be in my wedding party but I am already paying for so much and none of the other bridesmaids thought paying for their shoes was a big deal.  Do I pay for this one friend and hope no one else finds out?
-Shocked over Shoes

Shocked over Shoes,
Traditionally, accepting the role of bridesmaid meant agreeing to purchase your dress, shoes and accessories as well as throwing a shower for the bride, buying a wedding gift and providing your own way to and from the location of the event.  Traditions evolve, however and across the country there are differences with each region.  It sounds like your vicinity has absorbed the cost of the attendants' wedding attire into the bride's family expenses.  Your bridesmaids may not know how good they have it!  
Friends and finances make for tough conversations so use kind tones and make this conversation as personal as possible- over the phone if you cannot meet face to face and absolutely no texts!  I would let this bothered bridesmaid know that you cherish the relationship you two have and that nothing would make you happier than to have her in your wedding party.  Follow up with the fact that you understand taking on the role of bridesmaid does entail some financial obligations and if that is too much for her at this time and she needs to decline your offer to involve her in your wedding, that you assure her your friendship will remain unaffected.  
You have enough budgeting and stress to deal with, give your girlfriend the opportunity to step up and accept this grown-up responsibility with a grown-up attitude or gracefully withdraw.  Now, move on to the next wedding hurdle- how many tiers will your wedding cake have, darling?
Wishing you every happiness,
Deon

Wedding Day Regrets

Read Ours and Avoid Having Your Own!

I wish my hair didn't look so dumb. I wish my dress wasn't too big. I wish I didn't have such a big reception. While hanging out with some girlfriends recently, we chatted about our wedding days and it seems every bride has a few regrets, woulda coulda shouldas mixed in with all the happy memories. So I complied a list for all you future brides out there in hopes that you can avoid our pain, bad hair days included!

Regret #1- My wedding gown didn't fit right. Too big or too small, it is a bummer when THE DRESS that you only wear for ONE DAY isn't EXACTLY PERFECT! So no matter what, try your dress on around 1 week before the big day and see if any last-minute alterations are needed. Plan and dream all you want but the closer it gets to your day, the more stress you feel (it's inevitable) and some of us lose weight when we stress, some of us gain but almost all women are physically affected by stress. So throw on that gorgeous gown, grab an honest mom, sister or friend and twirl in front of your mirror! Also, I don't care what you plan to lose, how strict or fabulous your diet is- do not order a wedding dress that is too small for you. Order your size and be happy when it needs to be taken in. No one enjoys a grumpy bride in a too-tight dress who can't breathe, feels fat and depressed and won't eat her own wedding cake. You only get to live in this dress for mere hours, enjoy them!

Regret #2- Bad Hair. This is a tough fix because there are so many ways to have bad hair. Regarding bad wedding day hair, I believe the root (yep, hair-pun!) of the problem is trying to look special. You want to look uniquely fabulous on your day, there is nothing wrong with that. The key is practice. Whether you plan to tame those locks yourself or have a friend or professional do your 'do, have a few trial runs and take lots of photos. Then, be honest and be brave! Some brides to be have little experience wearing oodles of make-up and hairspray so they trust the expert they've hired or take mom's word for it and regret forever how weird they looked in all their wedding photos. So have a trial run or two and evaluate those pics for yourself and then speak up for yourself! You should look like you, an extra-special version of you, but still YOU. If you feel the least bit uncomfortable with that girl looking back at you from the photo, try again until you love what you see.

Regret #3- I spent all night in a receiving line. Time for some tough love, ladies. It's a bummer standing in heels, enduring heat, wind, great-grandmothers, etc! But these people are happy for you, they got dressed up to come and celebrate with you. They brought you a lovely gift and they deserve a minute or two of face-time with you. If you don't want to spend hours standing in a receiving line, plan accordingly. Invite less people or give up your leisurely dinner, grab your groom and work the room. Spend a few minutes with every table during the meal and when you've made each guest feel welcome and appreciated, your night is free for dancing, mingling and merriment!

Regret #4- I spent too much time taking photos on my wedding day. While some gorgeous shots of your special day are top priority, thousands of pictures are overwhelming, will clutter your home and suck precious time from the festivities. Be clear with your photographer on your must-have-shots and time constraints. If you're not glued to the idea of the groom not seeing your wedding dress until you walk down the aisle, I strongly recommend having a photo shoot of the bride and groom before the wedding day. You can get some amazing pictures in a much more relaxed setting and schedule and have one less thing to worry about getting done on the big day.

Remember this, future regretters- Something will be less than perfect at your wedding. At the end of the day, if you are married to the person you love most in this world, then it was perfect!

The Proposal

He is on his knee in front of me, a pleading and expectant look in his eyes, shiny ring in hand. He's been acting funny all night and now I realize, he was nervous. He had planned and prepared and despite the glitches the night presented, finally just decided to go for it. He is asking me to marry him!

I have waited for this moment my entire life. I have stressed and cried and imagined and fantasized. My jaw has locked in anticipation, I have seriously had to visit the dentist because my nerves have gotten the best of me and now I can only open my mouth halfway. Finally. It. Is. Here. My moment has arrived; this handsome, smart, hilarious, wonderful guy just proposed to me. The answer has been in my heart for years, I know I'm supposed to say yes. Right this second, however, I want to say no.

Am I having doubts as to the happiness a life with this man will bring me? No. I am pissed at how dumb this proposal is. He took me to a field on Christmas night under the guise of showing me my present- a goat. Seriously, a goat. I don't live in a village hundreds of years ago where goats are a hot commodity by the way, so the prospect of owning a goat has me confused. The fact that I'm standing outside in the snow in 10 degrees has me frustrated. He tells me he's picked out a pack-goat that can carry stuff when we're hiking. I have known this guy for 4 years at this point. During those 4 years, I have been on about 3 hikes, zero of those were with him. Seriously, a goat? He picks up on my not so subtle hints that this is not going well, we ditch the field and head to his house. Things go slightly better there and after saying something vague and nice, he is on his knee. So here we are and I want to say no. I want to tell him he gets a do-over. I know I sound difficult (and I am, for sure!) but what you don't know yet is that he was messing with me. I told him I wanted a white gold band, that the silver look was more important to me than the gem on top. The ring this doofus is holding is gold, with a pearl in the setting. I hate that gold ring and he knows it. In the space of 30 seconds or so, I endure my internal debate- if I say yes, I am stuck with this awful ring for the rest of my life. If I say, “No, try again later.” he might not. We're both a little stubborn ;) or so we've been told. I quickly determine that I love the adorable guy in front of me more than I hate the hideous ring. Feeling like a condemned woman, I resolve to wear that ugly ring every day for the rest of my life. I muster all the enthusiasm possible and with a smile I tell him, “Yes!”. Somehow, like magic, as the ring makes it's way from the box to my finger it has transformed and is now a white gold band with a perfect diamond. See? I told you he was messing with me.

Looking back with the advantage of years of marriage, I realize that this proposal sums up our relationship perfectly. I want everything exactly the way I plan, envision and expect them. The trouble is, no one other than me ever gets it exactly the way I would. My husband has graciously accepted the task of making my standards more realistic by constantly doing everything not the way I want. And I am learning that a hilarious proposal story is something I cherish even more than a perfect proposal story.

So fellas, don't stress too much. Of course you should put in a true effort to dazzle your soon-to-be-fiance. Just know that it will probably fall short in one aspect or another and that's alright. Ladies, you've dreamed of this moment longer than he's had to plan it in most cases. Cut your guy some slack and love him for him, no matter how perfect or perfectly awful this one moment in your history together unfolds. A great relationship isn't one wherein everything is perfect every time...a great relationship is one that handles gracefully the bumps along the way.