To Be Or Not To To Be...A Bridesmaid

Dear Deon,
One of my bridesmaids called me today to complain.  She is upset that I asked my bridesmaids to pay for their own shoes ($40) that will be dyed to match the dresses that my parents paid for.  She told me that purchasing her own plane ticket to be here and paying for her shoes is a burden.  I want my friend to be in my wedding party but I am already paying for so much and none of the other bridesmaids thought paying for their shoes was a big deal.  Do I pay for this one friend and hope no one else finds out?
-Shocked over Shoes

Shocked over Shoes,
Traditionally, accepting the role of bridesmaid meant agreeing to purchase your dress, shoes and accessories as well as throwing a shower for the bride, buying a wedding gift and providing your own way to and from the location of the event.  Traditions evolve, however and across the country there are differences with each region.  It sounds like your vicinity has absorbed the cost of the attendants' wedding attire into the bride's family expenses.  Your bridesmaids may not know how good they have it!  
Friends and finances make for tough conversations so use kind tones and make this conversation as personal as possible- over the phone if you cannot meet face to face and absolutely no texts!  I would let this bothered bridesmaid know that you cherish the relationship you two have and that nothing would make you happier than to have her in your wedding party.  Follow up with the fact that you understand taking on the role of bridesmaid does entail some financial obligations and if that is too much for her at this time and she needs to decline your offer to involve her in your wedding, that you assure her your friendship will remain unaffected.  
You have enough budgeting and stress to deal with, give your girlfriend the opportunity to step up and accept this grown-up responsibility with a grown-up attitude or gracefully withdraw.  Now, move on to the next wedding hurdle- how many tiers will your wedding cake have, darling?
Wishing you every happiness,
Deon