It's All About ME!

Photo: Tarot.com

“I sure hope I don't get invited to that wedding reception!” I recently thought. What? Who doesn't love a wedding? Whatever could make me feel so repulsed at the thought of getting glammed up and enjoying the glow of happy newlyweds? Why has attending weddings become a dreaded obligation for guests?

“All I care about is my dress and getting great pictures of me in my wedding dress!” I heard the bride-to-be proclaim.  And I was out! 

I know when you were dreaming about your wedding day as an itty bitty, you probably pictured the dress, the cake, your hair and fabulous make-up, a gorgeous groom, walking down the aisle, first dances and you weren't mooning over the hors d'oeuvres, dinner or buffet table. That's perfectly acceptable for your fantasy but when it's time for the real deal, keep in mind that you are throwing a party. What is the point of any party? For the guests to enjoy themselves! For your friends to leave in a blissful cloud, talking about the wonderful food or atmosphere or something that made such an impression on them that your event will be talked about and envied for years!

How would you feel if I was throwing your wedding shower; I spent all my budget on some super-cute threads for the party and I served Cap'N Crunch to your closest friends, future in-laws and mother? How is that any different from making the food (and essentially, guests) at your wedding reception an after-thought?

Welcome, ladies!  Isn't my new blazer ah-maah-zing?  If you're hungry, dig in!

If you haven't been a forgotten guest at an assembly-line wedding reception lately, consider yourself lucky!  Somehow, someone somewhere decided it was just dandy to put the guests on a last priority list and wedding receptions forgot to be fun to attend.  A wedding invitation is now tantamount to an errand in some areas of the country, how sad!  These poor guests open it and think, "Great, now I have to buy a gift, get dressed up to go drop it off and wait in a line for an hour just so I can say hello and if I'm lucky I might get a piece of cake to gulp down before I get outta there.".  Is that what you want for the people you cherish enough to request their presence at your celebration?

I'm not saying you have to break the bank, just be thoughtful about the experience everyone who takes the time to be with you on your wedding day will have. One of the easiest ways to do that is food! If you can make it happen, keep the food coming- with delish appetizers during any downtime for your guests (while the wedding party is taking pictures or arriving from the ceremony location) and remarkable entrees followed by your scrumptious wedding cake. If you don't have oodles of money to throw into your event, no problem, get creative! Come up with one or two dishes for your buffet or passed hors d'oeuvres that make a statement, whether the color of your fare perfectly matches your décor or is a fun reflection of the bride and groom's style. Don't be shy; if you love barbeque, Thai food or nachos, ask your caterer to re-imagine your fave recipes and give your guests a taste of who you are.

In addition to fun stuff to nosh, think of unique ways to keep your guests engaged- there are tons of options these days from photobooths to candy-bars. If you're extroverts, have a blast on the dance floor with some of the cheesy, latest dances- try teaching your father-in-law to Dougie! If you're a quiet couple, have some of your preferred downtime activities available for your guests to explore- crossword puzzles at each table or a few games of chess scattered throughout your space.

When you remember your guests while planning a day to dazzle, your bash will not only be a highlight for you but an event that everyone who was lucky enough to attend will try to top and recreate!  No one will invite you to a boring reception after you set the standard waaaay up there ;)

To Be Or Not To To Be...A Bridesmaid

Dear Deon,
One of my bridesmaids called me today to complain.  She is upset that I asked my bridesmaids to pay for their own shoes ($40) that will be dyed to match the dresses that my parents paid for.  She told me that purchasing her own plane ticket to be here and paying for her shoes is a burden.  I want my friend to be in my wedding party but I am already paying for so much and none of the other bridesmaids thought paying for their shoes was a big deal.  Do I pay for this one friend and hope no one else finds out?
-Shocked over Shoes

Shocked over Shoes,
Traditionally, accepting the role of bridesmaid meant agreeing to purchase your dress, shoes and accessories as well as throwing a shower for the bride, buying a wedding gift and providing your own way to and from the location of the event.  Traditions evolve, however and across the country there are differences with each region.  It sounds like your vicinity has absorbed the cost of the attendants' wedding attire into the bride's family expenses.  Your bridesmaids may not know how good they have it!  
Friends and finances make for tough conversations so use kind tones and make this conversation as personal as possible- over the phone if you cannot meet face to face and absolutely no texts!  I would let this bothered bridesmaid know that you cherish the relationship you two have and that nothing would make you happier than to have her in your wedding party.  Follow up with the fact that you understand taking on the role of bridesmaid does entail some financial obligations and if that is too much for her at this time and she needs to decline your offer to involve her in your wedding, that you assure her your friendship will remain unaffected.  
You have enough budgeting and stress to deal with, give your girlfriend the opportunity to step up and accept this grown-up responsibility with a grown-up attitude or gracefully withdraw.  Now, move on to the next wedding hurdle- how many tiers will your wedding cake have, darling?
Wishing you every happiness,
Deon

Wedding Day Regrets

Read Ours and Avoid Having Your Own!

I wish my hair didn't look so dumb. I wish my dress wasn't too big. I wish I didn't have such a big reception. While hanging out with some girlfriends recently, we chatted about our wedding days and it seems every bride has a few regrets, woulda coulda shouldas mixed in with all the happy memories. So I complied a list for all you future brides out there in hopes that you can avoid our pain, bad hair days included!

Regret #1- My wedding gown didn't fit right. Too big or too small, it is a bummer when THE DRESS that you only wear for ONE DAY isn't EXACTLY PERFECT! So no matter what, try your dress on around 1 week before the big day and see if any last-minute alterations are needed. Plan and dream all you want but the closer it gets to your day, the more stress you feel (it's inevitable) and some of us lose weight when we stress, some of us gain but almost all women are physically affected by stress. So throw on that gorgeous gown, grab an honest mom, sister or friend and twirl in front of your mirror! Also, I don't care what you plan to lose, how strict or fabulous your diet is- do not order a wedding dress that is too small for you. Order your size and be happy when it needs to be taken in. No one enjoys a grumpy bride in a too-tight dress who can't breathe, feels fat and depressed and won't eat her own wedding cake. You only get to live in this dress for mere hours, enjoy them!

Regret #2- Bad Hair. This is a tough fix because there are so many ways to have bad hair. Regarding bad wedding day hair, I believe the root (yep, hair-pun!) of the problem is trying to look special. You want to look uniquely fabulous on your day, there is nothing wrong with that. The key is practice. Whether you plan to tame those locks yourself or have a friend or professional do your 'do, have a few trial runs and take lots of photos. Then, be honest and be brave! Some brides to be have little experience wearing oodles of make-up and hairspray so they trust the expert they've hired or take mom's word for it and regret forever how weird they looked in all their wedding photos. So have a trial run or two and evaluate those pics for yourself and then speak up for yourself! You should look like you, an extra-special version of you, but still YOU. If you feel the least bit uncomfortable with that girl looking back at you from the photo, try again until you love what you see.

Regret #3- I spent all night in a receiving line. Time for some tough love, ladies. It's a bummer standing in heels, enduring heat, wind, great-grandmothers, etc! But these people are happy for you, they got dressed up to come and celebrate with you. They brought you a lovely gift and they deserve a minute or two of face-time with you. If you don't want to spend hours standing in a receiving line, plan accordingly. Invite less people or give up your leisurely dinner, grab your groom and work the room. Spend a few minutes with every table during the meal and when you've made each guest feel welcome and appreciated, your night is free for dancing, mingling and merriment!

Regret #4- I spent too much time taking photos on my wedding day. While some gorgeous shots of your special day are top priority, thousands of pictures are overwhelming, will clutter your home and suck precious time from the festivities. Be clear with your photographer on your must-have-shots and time constraints. If you're not glued to the idea of the groom not seeing your wedding dress until you walk down the aisle, I strongly recommend having a photo shoot of the bride and groom before the wedding day. You can get some amazing pictures in a much more relaxed setting and schedule and have one less thing to worry about getting done on the big day.

Remember this, future regretters- Something will be less than perfect at your wedding. At the end of the day, if you are married to the person you love most in this world, then it was perfect!